The Rambles of Neil Monnery

Another pointless voice in the vast ocean that is the interweb

The (quite) interesting and bizarre world of online dating EXTRA!

with 3 comments

Did you see what I did there? I capitalised the extra to make it sound more exciting and important than it really is. Yes folks following the worldwide acclaim* of my first entry on this subject entitled The (quite) interesting and bizarre world of online dating I was asked if I had any more stories to tell. Well actually I do.

After I wrote the first piece I noticed I had in fact missed out on a few stories and in this era of putting my deepest darkest secrets** on the blog I thought ‘what the heck?’ and decided to come forth and actually write up the second part.

First of all let us go back just under two years. I had not long lived where I do now and had been conversing with a girl via Match.com and she thought I was the bees knees. Anyway once she had found out my name she decided to Google me and came across this old blog here. She read a fair bit of stuff and came to this entry entitled Just like they say – it is a small world and came across the line where I spoke about the fact I was a virgin and boy that put the willies up her.

She stopped conversing with me and a few days later sent a message to say that she wanted a man not a boy and the fact I was a virgin was just wrong and basically she didn’t want to know me any more. Charming I say. I have to admit I didn’t exactly lose any sleep over that one slipping through my grasp but it does go to show that when you have an internet presence then anything you write may be read by anyone.

Next we’ll jump forward a few months and another young lady seemed to be rather into me online and we arranged to meet. Sounding good so far but then disaster strikes. She had been struck down by a family emergency. Oh noes. Never a good thing but with the family emergency came no speaking to me any more and within a week that also led to her relationship status on Facebook changing from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’. Some might call me a sceptic in thinking that there was no family emergency but someone wouldn’t lie to me – would they?***

If you clicked on one of the links above you will have read a couple of other stories which I shall briefly write up here. There was a single mother in Thundersley who wasn’t put off by my virginity and despite having never met me thought that I should go over there so she could – and I quote – ‘sort me out’. It might surprise you that at this point I decided she might not be the one for me. Also the story of the girl who arranged to meet me one day but pulled out that morning and then promptly blocked me from MSN for no obvious reason. However before she deleted me from Facebook her profile picture did change to one of her and a man looking rather happy with each other so maybe that had something to do with it.

Here is an example where I have stopped conversing with someone and they weren’t sure why. She seemed pleasant enough but there is one thing that puts me off women more than anything and that is being clingy. Now being clingy and needy is one thing but being clingy and needy before we have even met is another thing altogether. This person if I didn’t reply in five minutes to a text would text again asking if they had done anything wrong, then if still no reply would text again apologising if she had done anything wrong and within the half hour two more texts asking what they had done wrong. That type of behaviour is a quick way to my bad books and me losing any interest.

Who now wants an update on the girl who wrote this on her POF profile?

It amazes me where people get their confidence from on here… come on we all know roughly where we stand in life- just because you’re online it doesn’t really mean you can suddenly start messaging people out of you’re league. I don’t mean to sound harsh but the amount of people punching well above their weight seizes to amaze me. I sound like a complete ****… I’m really not just sick of time wasters 🙂

Well her tag line is now Looks can be deceiving….! the first paragraph of her profile is now the following:

I would describe myself as quite a confident person, im outgoing & friendly when it comes to meeting new people. Although when it comes to myself & my appearance confidence it is not my strong point. Im sensible when i need to be but i know how to have fun 🙂 Im honest infact maybe too honest at times, i say what i think but never in a nasty way. (I think this is quite a good trait, not everyone will agree)

So now she says that she doesn’t have confidence in her appearance whereas a month ago she was telling everyone who wasn’t in her league not to bother messaging her. I know I’m stupid but that is crazy isn’t it?

Someone that I follow on twitter tweeted the following last week:

Dear denizens of Guardian Soulmates! By indicating you would like an attractive GF you are missing out on some hot low self esteem action.

She makes an interesting point. I will not message anyone who says that are looking for any traits that I do not have. If they say they want a tall guy, or a strong guy, or a manly guy, or an attractive or anything like that then I automatically move on. I don’t exactly have bundles of self-esteem dripping from my pores and if people are saying that looks are vital to them then that is a put-off straight-away as I believe that I won’t be someone that they would be interested in knowing so I don’t see the point conversing with them as it would only be a waste of time.

Now of course we all want an attractive partner. That is a given. Even distinctly average (at best) looking guys like me want to look at a beautiful face in the morning but beauty is really in the eye of the beholder and what I identify as beautiful would be different to what someone else would. However if someone says openly that they are looking for looks then you think that they are looking for the stereotypical type of good looks. Well I do anyway.

For example on Sunday I was in London Town with a few of my uni mates and in the pub we were in there were three girls with three guys on another table and the three guys I was with were all lusting after one girl (whose arse was being shown off by a very tight hooped pair of trousers) but I thought one of the other girls at the table was by far the most attractive of the three. There was actually a girl on a date with another guy another table who was one of the most beautiful people that I have ever seen. I mean if I was to draw up looks then she would’ve had it but none of the other three thought she was too much kop.

So it goes to prove (well not really but it is some evidence) that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Heck a small percentage of these people who are looking for an attractive guy might actually think I am good looking. I know a few of you just laughed at that but they might. However my self-esteem doesn’t think I’d be worth their time (and vice versa).

I had something I wanted to write from a profile but it seems as though she has deleted it and like an idiot I didn’t save it. I am paraphrasing here but it was essentially (and all in capitals) something like ‘Message me because I’m just a friend that you haven’t met yet and we can’t have enough friends and know enough people in our lives’ so I did and she looked at my profile but didn’t reply. So what she seemingly meant was that she wants to get to know anyone and everyone – as long as they fit into her opinion of attractive (well that is what I took from it anyway).

Online dating is a strange beast. I haven’t received a message in weeks. It has been nearly 90 people who have viewed my profile since my last message. Which isn’t exactly a fantastic ratio. I haven’t had a date this year since my brief relationship ended and the bookies now have 2013 as the favourite for the year of my next date. I think I might get in on that. I shall continue to blog about the fun and games of internet dating should I have any more interesting stories to tell. I was about to say I was going to go look through OkCupid but Deadliest Catch is on in 14 minutes so I shall have to forgo that pleasure.

* = Well twenty people ‘liked’ the post on Facebook…

** = My deepest darkest secrets are not on here. I’m not that stupid.

*** = Yes. Yes they would lie to me as I have found out women think lying to protect feelings is better than the truth.

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Written by neilmonnery

June 5th, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Posted in Dating,Random Stuff

Tagged with ,

3 Responses to 'The (quite) interesting and bizarre world of online dating EXTRA!'

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  1. very much enjoyed these posts…

    Matthew

    5 Jun 12 at 9:29 pm

  2. Neil, an interesting post as I tried on-line dating in January 2007. Within a week I was talking to a fine young lady, we had our first date in the February, was engaged in the May and got married in July 2008 and found that we were expecting straight after we got back from our honeymoon.

    This year we will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary and our daughter has just turned three and we are still going strong. I admit I was sceptical when I first started but not complaints from me about on-line dating.

    Cllr Tony Cox

    6 Jun 12 at 10:54 am

  3. […] bizarre world of online dating. The first installment can be found here and the second can be found here. However I was always looking at from a male perspective – which might not exactly be […]

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