The Rambles of Neil Monnery

Another pointless voice in the vast ocean that is the interweb

Archive for the ‘funny’ tag

Who wants to see a video of a monkey riding a dog?

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After writing a 2,500+ word piece about banking and the future of the Euro yesterday, I think it’s time for a little wind down. Who wants to see a video of a monkey riding a dog?

If you answered ‘me’ then it’s your lucky day. If you answered ‘not me’ then I can only apologise.

How crazy is that?

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December 20th, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Posted in Random Stuff

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Don’t be naughty in the University of St. Andrews toilets – you have been warned

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This photo has been banded around on twitter for a few days but I thought I’d throw in up on the website for those that haven’t seen it. Apparently too many people are having wanks in the University of St. Andrews toilets and those in charge decided that this needed to stop and have put up the following ‘Masturbation Notice’ on the door.

University of St. Andrews Masturbation Notice

Be warned boys...

So it is costing far too much to remove all the stains from the floor. Firstly I’d wondering who would want to go in there for one anyway and secondly isn’t it more likely that people are actually involved in various sexual activities in there with a partner instead of a solo hand shandy?

I bet Prince William and Kate Middleton never did anything like that…

Apologies to whoever originally posted this photo. I don’t know who it was so can’t give them credit but it certainly wasn’t me.

Update: Please see below. The original picture was taken by Jorge Milburn, a student at the university and was uploaded to fb (link in comments).

Update Two: This blog made it into a Freedom of Information Request. How freaking awesome. Unsurprisingly it wasn’t an officially sanctioned university Masturbation Notice. Who knew? Seriously that is all sorts of awesome and just how cool was the response from the Press Officer? Big props to the guy…

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November 14th, 2011 at 3:23 pm

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‘If you have sex you *will* go to hell’

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I do love cretins. Oh wait a minute. No. No I don’t. However I do love finding random videos on YouTube that show up cretins for who they are. Today I came across a video entitled ‘Lady Gaga’s “Judas” is EVIL!!!!!’ which I have embedded below.

The poor young woman clearly isn’t totally enamoured with Lady Gaga. She says amongst other things during her rant (which involves crying) that if you have sex then you will go to hell – not have sex out of wedlock – just have sex. Now correct me if I’m wrong but surely if there was no sex then the future of the human race wouldn’t be so bright as you know – sex is used to procreate. That’s what I’ve heard on the grapevine anyway.

She also had the vast insight to foresee that the song would be played on the radio. This woman is a seer folks. We should bow down and worship at her alter. Well maybe not. She also said that anyone who has listened to this song will go to hell – end of – although she does later backtrack when she says that she’ll need to confess to cleanse her soul on the off chance that her dreams of making it to heaven are still possible despite her listening to said song.

There was more but I found it rather amusing until I looked down to the right-hand side of the screen and saw another one by the same young lady entitled ‘Justin Bieber Should Have Won Best New Artist.’ which I have again embedded below.

So she’s a Justin Bieber fan, always a dodgy start but when you start watching the video she’s swearing. I’m not sure swearing is something that enhances your heaven CV but maybe god is willing to overlook it when you are swearing about how cruelly Justin Bieber was treated. However the fun bit is towards the end when she tells the camera (and Justin Bieber if he’s watching) about how much she loves him.

There is a problem with loving Justin Bieber though. He’s having sex with his girlfriend. He’s not a virgin therefore surely he’s already punched his ticket to hell. Surely she wouldn’t want to be with anyone who is going to hell?

Anyway I just thought it was funny – funny enough to write a random blog about anyway.

To sum up – if we went strictly by the title then heaven is still a option for me but alas I have heard Lady Gaga’s Judas song therefore I’m done for. Sometimes life is just too unfair.

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October 27th, 2011 at 2:46 pm

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Antelope v Mountain Biker Round 1 – with Video – might be the best video I’ve seen this year

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So you are in a mountain bike race and usually your main fears are falling off and scraping your knee. You don’t usually fear a wild antelope coming out and taking you out with a boom but that is what happened to Evan van der Spuy as he blind-sided during the Time Freight Express MTB race at Albert Falls Dam.

All sorts of awesome.

He was fine and was released from hospital after a few hours of observation.

So lesson for you all out there. Wear a helmet as it may save your life. Certainly if wild antelope are near…

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October 12th, 2011 at 11:14 am

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If Carlsberg did the best marketing…

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From a Belgian Carlsberg advert…

Absolutely chuffing brilliant.

In other news boiler leak will not be fixed today but maybe tomorrow or Wednesday. There is also a leak from the shower than will involve tiles being taken off. Landlord will not be pleased…

Usual political postings will return after these messages (or the passage of time – one of the two…)

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September 26th, 2011 at 2:10 pm

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Kate Hoey really does talk out of her rear end at times…

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Kate Hoey is fun. She may not be that bright but she sure is fun. The Labour MP for Vauxhall is back in the news for claiming that Sally Bercow should give the money she is making from appearing on Celebrity Big Brother to the tax man as she gets to live rent free thanks to the tax man. Whilst that is true she only lives where she lives thanks to her husband’s position. If the Bercow’s split up then it would be Sally who’d have to move out.

It just smells to me like Kate Hoey vying for some attention. This is the woman who famously was against London holding the Olympics because she thought Paris was better. How about not shitting on your own doorstep Hoey?

I am neutral to Sally Bercow and couldn’t give two hoots what she does but she isn’t in a job paid for by the state and therefore whatever she does she should be allowed to do without interference from the state. No doubt the tax man will take some of the earnings off her like he will to all Celebrity Big Brother contestants but just because she’s married to a man who gets a free home thanks to his job it doesn’t mean she should be bound by more red tape?

This isn’t the 1800s Hoey. This is modern Britain. Mrs Bercow should be able to do whatever she damn well likes when representing herself in a personal capacity. If you don’t like that then tough.

To end an old favourite as Brian Paddick describes Kate Hoey…

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August 20th, 2011 at 11:27 am

Posted in Politics

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He’s got a pineapple on his head…

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Ok so things in the Death Penalty post have become quite heated not here but elsewhere. You know where. So whilst I’m waiting for my mate to turn up (who is very late but it is chucking it down so he may well have been delayed) I thought I’d go old school and put a couple of videos from the great Fantasy Football League.

Jason Lee and Frank Clark. Those were the days and this was 90s comedy…

Relax and enjoy.

More on the death penalty I’m sure in the coming days.

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August 4th, 2011 at 12:33 pm

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That Ed Miliband interview…video and comment

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Ed Miliband is pretty poor at his job in my opinion. I have said it before and will probably say it again. Some people agree and some people disagree and that is fair enough. However what I don’t think too many can honestly disagree with is that Ed Miliband is not great in front of the camera and when videos like the one embedded into this blog post come out then you can see why.

To read the full story please click here as ITV’s Damon Green recounts the full tale. In short he was doing a pool interview for ITV, BBC and Sky yesterday morning with Ed Miliband to get his viewpoint on the strikes. As you’ll see in the video Ed has one formulaic answer and whatever he is asked he always drags it back to the same answer he has clearly rehearsed and had been approved by his advisers.

Where I think Ed Miliband falls down is that people can see through this. Yes in this world of spin we have come to expect answers to have been practised but with the leader of the Labour Party you fell that everything has been rehearsed and nothing is off the cuff and conversational.

That is how I see it and if Ed Miliband ever went up against David Cameron and/or Nick Clegg in live TV debates then quite frankly he would be taken to the cleaners and the public would not vote for him. Being good at your job is important but in this era being able to show to the country that you would be good at being PM is just as important and unless Ed M learns quickly then he’ll never look or sound like a man who could lead this country and the public know it.

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July 1st, 2011 at 1:27 pm

Posted in Politics

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The truth behind *that* photo

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So unless you have been living under a rock (or aren’t north American/have interest in north American news) then you’ll know all about the ‘kissing couple’ photo from the Vancouver Riots last week. When the hometown Vancouver Canucks lost Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Finals to the Boston Bruins violence erupted downtown in the Canadian city. Petrol Bombs, Riot Police, it was the standard thing however the following photo emerged that a couple had other things on their mind whilst the city burned…

Kissing Couple

Vancouver Riots Kissing Couple...?

Picture courtesy Getty Images/Yahoo

However the man involved has ended his silence and not is all that is seems…

Speaking on NBC’s Today programme 29 year-old Australian Scott Jones claims that he was just comforting his girlfriend after the police had battered her over the head. Yes it seems as though one of the best photographs I’ve seen in a long while is due in part to an over-zealous riot policeman.

The report over on Yahoo News also has a video of the incident and shows that their account is accurate and that his girlfriend was hit by a policeman and fell to the ground. He lay on top of her to protect her and two officers stood over them until they decided to leave them alone. It is clear that the photo was not staged despite mounting conspiracy theories claiming otherwise.

It is just a lucky thing that this story ended up far better than the Ian Tomlinson one but one day riot police are going to start understanding that they can’t just hit people. PC Simon Harwood may find that out when he gets his day in court but the whole role of riot police needs to be looked at. People will die unless the police find new tactics to deal with these types of problems.

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June 22nd, 2011 at 9:15 am

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American ejected from cinema for texting gets a lil bit pissy…

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If you are ever in Texas and want to visit the Alamo Drafthouse to take in a movie then you need to understand one thing – they don’t like people using their phones whilst a movie is going on. One customer was not amused to this and left the following voicemail for the company after she had been ejected despite being given two warnings:

Read the full story over at The Guardian but it is rather amusing. I know where I stand and that is firmly with the cinema. The warnings were given and she still persisted in texting. People that use their phones in a cinema piss me right off and I suspect the majority of moviegoers agree with both me and the cinema in question.

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June 7th, 2011 at 2:55 pm

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