Every so often The Rambles of Neil Monnery receives a guest post. Having been reading about my dating woes I got one sent through about falling in love again after divorce. I hope you enjoy…
If you have gone through a messy divorce or you are just recovering from heart-break after the end of a long-term relationship, you can feel like you will never find love again. To find lasting happiness it is important not to fall into the same traps as you did with your previous partner. Here are some tips on how to avoid making the same mistakes when dating someone new.
Don’t assume all new dates will be like your ex
This is probably the most important thing to keep telling yourself. Just because you have been hurt and things didn’t work out in your previous relationship, it doesn’t mean that everyone you meet will treat you the same way.
If you go into a relationship with a pessimistic and negative attitude then you will destroy your chance of finding happiness with a new partner. You can’t take your resentment towards your ex out on a new date. You need to let go of your anger and to see the person you are dating as a blank slate. Any flaws that they have should be their own, and not ones that you have projected onto him or her because of your bad experiences in the past.
Your new date is an individual, who has the capacity to treat you better than you have been treated in the past.
Let go of your relationship baggage
Just as you need to leave your negative impressions of love in the past, you also need to let go of all your previous relationship baggage. If you let the insecurities you felt in the past carry over into new relationships then you are bound to destroy your future. You can’t punish a new date for mistakes that were made before you met him or her.
Try to let go of the blame you feel towards your partner and think about what you could have differently in the relationship. Learning from your mistakes and destructive habits is key to moving forward and finding happiness with a new date.
Don’t rush into a rebound relationship
If you have just come out of a long-term relationship, even if it hadn’t been good for a while, you will probably find it hard being alone. It may seem like a quick happiness fix to dive head-first into a new relationship, but you need to stop and think about whether you are doing it for the right reasons.
The healthiest way to build a future and to start a successful relationship is to make sure that you are happy with being on your own. Spend some time working on your self-confidence and thinking about what you want out of life and what you want to do differently in a new relationship.
Take the time to heal after your divorce so that you are in a happier and healthier frame of mind when you meet someone new.
Make sure you are compatible with your new partner
When people rush into a new relationship after a divorce they often choose a partner based on superficial reasons rather than considering if they are truly compatible with their new date. The likelihood is that one of the major reasons your previous relationship broke down was that you and your ex were not truly well-matched with one another.
You need to make sure that you share qualities, life-goals and common interests with your new partner, if you are going to be successful in finding a lasting love.
Online dating including like eHarmony allow you to fill out personality tests and to describe what you are looking for in a date, which can help you to meet people who you have the potential to have a successful relationship with.
With profiles of singles in Edinburgh, London and the rest of the UK, you will have the chance to meet people who share your ambitions and desires.
Dating again after divorce is hard, so make sure you ready mentally and emotionally before you put yourself back out there. By following these tips you will help to make your new relationship a positive one, by learning from the mistakes made in the past.
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