The Rambles of Neil Monnery

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Five year-old fights sexual misconduct charge for voluntary ‘depantsing’

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I don’t know where to start folks. Sometimes I click on a link to a news story and I just get filled with rage and want to go all vigilante on the idiots that I am reading about. This is very much what happened last night when I read about this story in the Inquisitr.

Here is the short version for those that can’t be arsed to click on the link. A five year-old from Arizona took his pants off in the playground at his kindergarten. The school reacted to this by making him sign paperwork acknowledging that he had indeed been guilty of sexual misconduct and have added to his permanent school file that he has been guilty of sexual misconduct during his school life.

What the fucking hell?

My actual response (and that of the Scot-come-Yank friend of mine that I showed it to) was simple. He’s fucking five. You know the courts are really big on honouring the signature of a five year-old who really knew exactly what he was signing. The school idiots claim that the student was fully entitled to have his parents there if they ask for them but as the five year-old didn’t ask for his parents then everything was above board. Let me repeat one bit of that sentence, the five year-old…he’s fucking five years old people. Five years old. If I teacher told me to do something at the age of five then you know what, I’d have done it. I didn’t get my rebellious streak until much later in my life. My Scot-come-Yank friend said that he hoped the signature was in crayon. I guffawed.

“Our school district uses consistent language for disciplinary infractions in order to provide clarity and track discipline data accurately,” Assistant Superintendent Jim Dean said in a written statement as he tried to cover his backside. See I’ve been kind there and called him Jim Dean not what I want to call him but I think it is fair to say my opinion of him and his actions are not exactly sky high at this point.

My favourite assistant superintendent also said ‘it’s just a label’ – yeah like having a sexual misconduct label attached to his permanent file wouldn’t hack him off. Like he wouldn’t want this to happen to his children or grandchildren. Some people are seriously so incomprehensible at times that you wonder how they are part of a balanced and successful society. The kid is I repeat five years old. Five fucking years old. We all know how mud sticks and labels like this would follow him through his schooling. Does he deserve that? God no.

Look if the teachers involved and good old Jim Dean got fired then I wouldn’t cry for them. Until they get in inside of their thick heads that they have acted in a wholly inappropriate way then then I have no hope for them. Maybe the Dysart Unified School District needs to look at the way it handles discipline. The poor kids mum believes that they didn’t take the kids age into consideration. Of course they didn’t – they just looked at the disciplinary procedures and followed them like lemmings.

Every single rational person I’m sure would look at this story and have the same simple reaction ‘he’s fucking five’ and despair at what is going on. The worst of it though is they’ve had two months to rectify their mistake and realise that they have boobed in a big way but instead of doing that, they have dug in behind their rule book and not looked at how ridiculous they all are.

So Jim Dean and associates I hope you twig just how dumb you are acting and reverse this ludicrous decision quick-smartish. However I fear that you won’t and five year-old Eric Lopez will be labelled for the rest of his school life as having admitted his guilt of sexual misconduct as a five year-old for voluntarily taking down his pants. The way the supposed responsible adults acted I’d just shocked the police weren’t called, the kid read his Miranda Rights and then hauled off to the police station in handcuffs.

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Written by neilmonnery

June 30th, 2014 at 1:51 pm

Posted in News

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