Following what I can only describe as a hilariously bad first date last week it got me thinking. Did it even rank in my top five worst dates? Well I actually laid in bed and thought about it – and thought about it a lot. I tossed and turned over what the actual worst was so I decided why not write up the list and show you all that we all have bad dates and that it doesn’t really matter. So welcome to my top five worst dates but before we start we need an honourable mention for a date that didn’t make the top five despite its awfulness:
This what have been what either 2010 or 2011, I think 2011 but it could have been either. Girl was coming round for a movie, she came round and before we’d even put the film on she decided to make her excuses and leave. Now either she found me repulsive or she thought that was going to be a booty call and found out that it wasn’t, either way she went to leave but as she did she saw a plethora of empty plastic squash bottles on my kitchen floor (I hadn’t taken them over to the recycling bins for a while) and declared it the weirdest thing she had ever seen. I think she had an insanely sheltered life. Anyway she left with a ‘I’ll call you’ and I never heard from her again.
Ok pop pickers here we go and coming in – a new entry at five…
This was last weeks date. Here is some background. Last year I wrote a piece for this blog entitled How to write a good online dating profile in which I searched for the profile that I’d message most. Well bizarrely enough a couple of weeks back the same young lady appeared on another site, one I frequent (Yes I know I gave up online dating but it was the summer and I was bored – don’t worry the football season is back and NCAA Football and the NFL are but a fortnight away so I’ll be sorted for weekends for a while).
So yes same girl so of course I had to send her a message (with no mention of the blog post obviously – that would be too weird) and she actually replied. Holy cow. A few messages back and forth later she suggested we meet up. We had a date arranged but she postponed but we did reschedule. That date was last week and we met at the beach for a stroll along the beach. We were talking and getting on ok but not even fifteen minutes later she suggested we cross the road and start walking back, which we did. We got to her car and she couldn’t jump in it quick enough to get away. Pure hilarity.
I walked back just shaking my head and laughing. The whole first date lasted less than half an hour. She was the one that asked to meet and she was the one who seemed interested. I told people who knew of the date that I firmly believed it would be a one date and out job and so it turned out to be. I have not messaged her as I think it was rather plain to see she really did not like me. As I said to a friend last week, if it has got to the point where I look better in photographs than I do in real life then I have a real problem because I’m seriously unphotogenic. So yes this only makes it into fifth place on the list, mainly because it was so short and I found it so amusing that she pretty much turned up, took one look at me and was trying to work out how quickly she could get away without it being rude.
Coming in at number four…
This is from early 2010 and won’t be as long as the previous story. The background is again internet related (all my worst dates have been internet related – well I’ve only had one non-internet related date ever. Yes. Ever. That shows what a muppet I really am but I digress. We had a date organised for the Sunday but on the Saturday she said she was in town so I should come in and join her, so I did. I got into town and text her to tell her I was there and asked where to meet, she replied twenty minutes later. Not amused. So basically I followed her round some shops and we parted ways. The Sunday date was still on the books but I awoke on Sunday to a text from her saying that she had some washing up to do and was cancelling – yes folks – the famous washing up story. Not even washing her hair, washing up. My heart was not broken.
Next up at three…
Now we are going back a fair way – all the way to the end of 2004. Background is a girl on the Isle of Wight which is where I lived when not at uni. So back there for the Christmas break we met up in Ryde and within ten minutes – not joking – literally within ten minutes she decided we’d go and see her friend who was working in a shop somewhere in Ryde. She then proceeded to just talk to her friend in the shop until until the shop closed then said she was going with her friend and basically to piss off. Now this was bad but the story is not over.
A couple of days later it was New Years Eve and I had a proper full on man cold. I was out with friends at Chicago’s but just after midnight I was off home to get some sleep. I was going back to uni on NY Day to start work on my dissertation (and my uni house had Sky Sports and England were playing a Test Match in South Africa – priorities) so I go home and go to sleep. I’m woken by my phone at I dunno half two, maybe three and it was this girl. She wanted me to drive or get in a taxi over to Ryde as she wanted some. You what? You think blowing me off (not literally) after ten minutes of a first date will encourage me to go and see her for some? I mean c’mon…Unsurprisingly I said no and went back to sleep. The next day I was off the Isle of Wight and I’d never hear from her or contact her again.
A surprise at two…
I really thought this was number one but after a lot of consideration it is probably only at two. Background here is it is the middle of 2011, again she was the one that seemed interested in me and she said we should go to dinner. Now this was my first (and if I have any say – which I should have some say in it because heck I’d be on the date – my last ever dinner date). First of all I got to where we were supposed to meet and I text her to let her know and then she informed me she hadn’t even left yet (she lives in Chelmer Village – bizarrely just down the road from my mum) so I knew this was a good half hour delay. I don’t like this at all.
So anyway we meet and we go to dinner, conversation is shall we say stilted at best and I think we both knew relatively quickly that the date was not going well. So we eat and go our separate ways, when she reaches her car she gets on her phone and deletes me from Facebook so I think it is fair to assume she doesn’t want to see me again. Again not exactly a shock but this is so high in the list because I spent £40 on a shit Italian meal (I’m not exactly an Italian fan), she deleted me from Facebook double quick sharpish and the general awkwardness of the dinner date. Seriously no dinner dates for me going forward.
Finally we get to number one…
Now I struggled with this not just because I had to decide whether it was worst than date number two on this list but also because I had to decide whether it was an actual date or not. The background here is final year of university and not even a month after date number three I went to stay with a girl for a few days. We had known each other for a while through the internet (not internet dating this time) and the plan was to see if there was anything more than a friendship, she had recently split up with her partner…or so I thought…
So anyway I go up there on a Monday with plans to stay until Friday. We meet and we seemingly get on ok but it was just a bit strange. On the Wednesday I noticed she was on her phone a lot and I had to do some work so I was on the computer. I checked my LiveJournal (which is where we knew each other from) and I checked my Friends page and I sure she had written on hers that she was getting back with her ex – this was written a few hours before. So whilst I was staying with her she decided that she was getting back with her ex. Weird. Now what I should have done at this point was clearly made my excuses and leave – either then for first thing in the morning – but I didn’t. I stayed as I was a bit confused. Well on the Thursday she basically didn’t speak to me at all. So there I was in someone else’s house and the person I was there to see wasn’t speaking to me but yet again I was too dumb to just leave.
So Friday came and I had decided to leave pretty much first thing. She had decided to sleep in the spare room and so I thought I’d at least be nice and wait for her to wake up to say bye but clearly she had decided to hide in the spare room until I left. I sat around for maybe two or three hours and then just went sod it and left. I was somewhere I didn’t know but found my way to a bus stop and made my way into town to get a train home.
Out of all these five people I haven’t seen any since the date and the likelihood of me ever doing so is the same as that EuroMillions win I yearn for. I didn’t particularly want a second date with any of them but I think dates two and five could’ve given me a bit more of a shot but still such is life.
Having a date with me must be a pretty horrific experience as only four people have ever had more than one and therefore come back for seconds. Only one of these has been within the past seven years and even that person tweeted than she didn’t fancy me after our first date (she told me she didn’t have twitter at the time) and only saw me again as she was too scared of being alone. Now whilst these numbers don’t look terrific for me I suppose it is fair to say that maybe only two of these people I had dates with did I actually really want to see again and only one of them did I actually genuinely fancy. Still gutted about that one but I gracefully took her ‘I still really want to be friends’ and took a step back and put the ball firmly in her court if she ever wanted to see me again on any level, she has yet to hit that ball back.
Now I write this not because I want any sympathy but because it is both interesting and shows that we all have bad dates and we shouldn’t fret about them. Dates are there to see if you want to see another person again and in my instance most of the time both parties don’t. I think that is the same for a lot of people who use internet dating. Now I know internet dating can work and I know several people who are happily loved up thanks to the internet. However for me it seems like a game of top trumps as those rare dates just see if they can top previous ones for hilarity and awkwardness.
I wonder who’ll be next and I wonder if they’ll be able to crack this top five…
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