The Rambles of Neil Monnery

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Gone (Cat)fishin’ – The messages a ‘fit’ guy gets on online dating websites…

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Ages ago I did a blog about being a girl on an online dating website. Well at the same time I set up a fake male profile as well but didn’t get around to blogging about it. I completely forgot about it until the other day and I logged into it. Suddenly logging into it has produced a spurt of mails. Yet again I refused to reply to any but was interested in the types of messages I would get. One of the most common things that I have seen on dating profiles is something along the lines of ‘don’t just message me and hey hi or ask how I’m doing’ so how do women message guys..well lets see…

1. If only they still sold Tab…

What am I meant to do with this? Ask her what she’d still do if they sold a short-lived clear coloured cola?

2. Excellent profile, made me laugh x

If I was going to reply I’d just say ‘Thank You’ – clearly she is putting it on me to get a conversation flowing.

3. Hi Mr Bombastic :) you look cheeky (in the good way) :)

Well at least I could reply in an equally flirty way I suppose…

4. Is your pic taken at Harry potter studios? Xx

Well I could answer Yes or No. Great conversation!

5. Your profile made me giggle!!

People have been known to say similar about me ;-) xx

I’m not going to reveal what the profile stated but she is basically saying she is good at giving blow jobs and then winking…

6. I’m in the some think your handsome group ;-) x

Flirty but again putting it all on me to create some conversation.

7. hey hun, how u doing? x

Surely you can use capital letters and proper English?

8. naughty….but I did laugh out very loud reading your profile x

Ok and…?

9. Evening.

Your profile had me in stitches.

How are you?

{name redacted]

xxx

Now this one was interesting as it was from someone I had actually messaged – as me – months ago. She never replied. Capital letters, proper English, only person to actually tell me her name, ok it’s not the best opening message ever but it was the best I received. Shame she took one look at the real me and thought ‘Nah…’ and yet words that I had written had her in stitches. Oh internet dating you are a strange one…

10. Whatever happened to that drink Tabclear?? You have me thinking now :-)

Well it kinda just died away (I made a reference to it in my profile(

11. Nice hair! ;)

Thanks…

12. ;)

Seriously is that it?

13. Are you terribly fantastic?

Yes. Yes I am…

14. are you being serious in your little description thingy???!!

Well I’m not as the person doesn’t exist but thanks for asking.

That profile had so many messages but they get deleted after 28 days and I forgot to copy & paste them into a file but basically all the messages are along the same lines. They are very short and punchy and mostly rather suggestive. I haven’t put them up here because they were a while back when I first created the account (but didn’t save the messages – d’oh) but there were more than a couple of people who basically said that they wanted to get busy…talk about being forward!

One of the girls who messaged ‘me’ had the following on her profile, ‘Wherever we go…I can guarantee you’ll end the night on a high xXx’ – maybe I just don’t understand the female of the species (actually that might well be very accurate). The profile I used in this instance said nothing about me at all – but was full of hot air – not describing my interests, what I look for in a partner, basically said nothing about me and yet messages flooded in. That didn’t surprise per se but the quality of messages really did.

As I noted in my previous piece women get way more messages than guys and they have a much harder job filtering them but on the other side of the ledger surely women should make some effort to engage if they are messaging a guy? The only date I went on last year came about from someone who had messaged me. I can’t remember the message exactly but it did pick up on a couple of things I said in my profile and asked me about them. That is all an opening message should be. A paragraph or two at most to show that you’ve read their profile and not just looked at the pictures and try and engage with the other person.

Now had I actually been that person in the fake profile then no doubt I could’ve gone out and had a rather good time with a lot of these women. The thing that gets me and annoys me somewhat though is a lot of them – the same people who basically just messaged me suggestively – stated on their profile that they wanted something real and not just a fling as they weren’t like that. Well apparently they are depending on the other person.

No wonder I found it all very confusing and demoralising. It seems many people have a public face that they want to portray but in fact are looking for something completely different. Oh online dating…I don’t miss you so.

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Written by neilmonnery

February 21st, 2013 at 3:08 pm

Posted in Dating

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  1. You’re assuming that such messages are genuine. From my experience, many are not. Either fake, or messagers with some other agenda (like leading you to a pay-for porn site say)
    I’m featured on an item on Radio 5 Live on Sunday, 11am to 12 (Adrian Goldberg) about online dating sites

    Andrew Currie

    21 Feb 13 at 7:25 pm

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