The Rambles of Neil Monnery

Another pointless voice in the vast ocean that is the interweb

Ok I’ll admit the truth. I’m jealous of Nadine Dorries and deep down all of you are too

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So Nadine Dorries thinks that female MPs are jealous of her does she? I mean why stop there and why doesn’t she just admit the truth that the whole human race are jealous and wish they led her life. You see the thing is we often rail against those who we are secretly jealous of. I mean who wouldn’t want to be Ryan Clark or Christopher Maloney? We all wish that we were in TOWIE or Geordie Shore don’t we? We would love our semi-fake lives planted all over the newspapers whilst people with brains laughed at us behind our backs? Jealousy is a strange and cruel mistress (if there are any of them reading – please send me an e-mail) but yes we all wish we were Nadine. Let us look at the reasons we all wish we were Nadine…

First of all who wouldn’t want to be able to take time off work to go on a Z-list celebrity show and get paid for both jobs? I mean seriously. If my bosses were down with me going and eating kangaroo bollocks whilst Eric Bristow regales me with tales about how he was a great darts player then I’d be so there and so would all of you be too.

On a similar line wouldn’t it be awesome to basically get sacked by your boss but still keep your job? That is what Nadine has managed to do. That is pure genius.

Remember she has been able to publicly slag off her bosses relentlessly and basically kept getting away with it. We all dream of dissing our bosses (well not me obviously – mine is great – actually he is – I get on very well with the guy I report to) but in general many of us would love to just diss our superiors and basically get no ramifications. It took her actually going on a TV show and missing work for her to get a bit of a bollocking (but keep her job).

Also wouldn’t you like to go on national TV to further your political campaign – in her case on abortion? Who here wouldn’t want to go on national TV and get exposure for our causes? The fact that she got no exposure for it is neither here nor there – she thought she was actually going to be able to use this as a platform for her cause.

Wouldn’t it be amazing to be told by the general public that you were the worst Z-list celebrity on a TV show? Deep down you can take comfort knowing that Christopher Maloney is still in the X Factor so surely the public know nothing. The public voted Ella Henderson out so that means that the public vote out the ones they like – yes that is it.

I would also love to live in a world where I wasn’t sure which home was actually my main residence. I mean who wouldn’t want a life where someone asked them where they lived they had to take a few seconds to think – not to think of an excuse but to think of which address is actually your home. A life we can all only aspire to.

When like me you write a blog you generally write what you like but when you are an MP you are surely tied into the truth but not Nadine. Oh no. In her own words ‘My blog is 70% fiction and 30% fact. It is written as a tool to enable my constituents to know me better and to reassure them of my commitment to Mid Bedfordshire. I rely heavily on poetic licence and frequently replace one place name/event/fact with another.’ How awesome is that? She can basically say the majority of what she writes is made up but it’s ok. I want to live in a world where that is true.

With a Z-list TV appearance behind her she now has the world as her oyster – well when I say world – I mean reality TV shows and other TV appearances. She’ll be on TV a lot folks. Get used to that. The only reason for her not to be on TV a lot would be if she quit her role as an MP and moved to Australia. Wouldn’t that be a turn up…(ellipsis left there for effect and a nod and a wink). I mean who wouldn’t want to move to Australia…(yep same thing).

Also she’s had an affair. You can’t get much hotter than that. A passionate steamy affair with a married man. We all want that don’t we? (not with a married man for me obviously – that would be a turn up).

Would you want to basically ruin the career you had worked so hard for just to get a bit of TV money and infamy for a couple of years before sitting back and thinking ‘what the hell did I do all that for?’ well Nadine has that now. Her career as an MP is all but over come 2015 and what will she do next? I’m looking forward to her appearance on the ‘Celebrity Jelly Wrestling’ show with Ann Widdecombe. It’s going to be an epic. This is the type of thing she has opened herself up to. I mean wouldn’t we all want to have these types of doors open to us?

So yes we are all (rightly) extremely jealous of her. It is either that or we are all laughing at someone who is in the process of destroying her career that she worked so hard for so she could get her fifteen minutes of fame but it couldn’t be that at all…could it? It couldn’t be someone selling their soul for a few dollars and a few TV appearances…could it? It couldn’t be that her actions have led to MPs getting an (even) worse name could it? No way could it be any of those things.

Deep down all of us – and certainly female MPs wished they had been on a Z-list celebrity show whilst they were meant to be working. Whilst Nadine was sleeping in a jungle in front of TV cameras most female MPs were working and going home to their families and sleeping in a bed with a nice thick duvet. Yeah Nadine certainly got the best of them…

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Written by neilmonnery

November 26th, 2012 at 3:41 pm

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