The Rambles of Neil Monnery

Another pointless voice in the vast ocean that is the interweb

So I had a date last night? Who wants the goss…? I thought you might…

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So yes your favourite (well I might not be your favourite) loveable loser (or loser in love?) I prefer loser in love ended his 2012 desert in terms of dates last night as I had my first date of the year. That makes it three years in a row I’ve actually had a date. In your face 2009, 2008 and 2007. Talk about consistency. I mean who else can say they’ve had dates in three consecutive years? What do you mean ‘most people…?’

Oh.

So anyway the fact that I’m writing about it publicly will hint to those of you who know me well that things may not have gone well as I’m notoriously private when it comes to dates until I know the outcome of them. I didn’t tell a soul and got told off today for not having told people (Apologies Miss Morris…). Anyway she asked me out a few days ago (Yes she asked me out) and we met up for a drink last night.

She seemingly had high expectations (which is as you know if you’ve ever met me is probably not a good thing to have high expectations of me) We had been texting for a few days (did you know Google chrome doesn’t consider texting a word?) and as she text yesterday afternoon she was ‘really looking forward to meeting’ and yeah in her own words, she is ‘generally attracted to men a little older than myself who are articulate funny and laid back…’ You know what? I actually tick those boxes! Looking good…

I was older than her by a couple of years. I am articulate (heck if anyone reads my crap on here they’ll know that), I am funny to some degree and I think the term laid back was invented for me. So on paper I can see why she was genuinely excited to have a date. On paper she was certainly ticking my boxes as well. She was (is) genuinely extremely good looking, has interests in the arts and history and her life doesn’t revolve around clubbing and getting smashed. Heck we are still looking good folks…

So anyway on to the date after a bit of background. Now when I wrote my awesome post about first date dating tips for men last week this date hadn’t been arranged. I had no inkling that 2012 would not end dateless so it wasn’t like I was writing myself a reminder for how to act. Well in general I followed most of (if not all) of my tips. Conversation flowed. We seemed to get on pretty well and when I was walking her back to the bus stop I thought a second date was pretty much a mere formality. However she did seem rather anxious for her bus to come and when it did she jumped on that thing quicker than an Olympic sprinter with a quick glance and a wave. At this point my belief of a second date that was pretty darn strong dissipated rather rapidly. As a keen body language studier that was certainly not good body language. She hadn’t displayed particularly (did you know I always spell that word incorrectly and Chrome tells me off? every single bleedin’ time…) positive body language throughout the date but there certainly wasn’t any negative body language.

So I texted her (texted apparently isn’t a word either – Chrome needs to get with the times…) saying I had enjoyed her company (which I had) and wanted to see her again (which I did) but the response was in the negative. Despite being ‘interesting’ and a ‘really nice guy’ she felt there was no connection between us and therefore didn’t want to see me again. She ended with ‘I wish you well x.’

Now I can read and I know perfectly well that says ‘I wish you well’ but my brain interpreted it as a ‘I really really never want to see you/hear from you again.’ I don’t think I have ever felt a connection between myself and a date on the first date. I tend to think a first date (as I wrote the other day) is more like an informal interview to see if you and the other person get on. I feel that that ‘connection’ as it were develops over time. I know others disagree and think you need that initial spark otherwise there is no point but how many people have fallen for a friend or someone they hardly knew over time? I think most of us certainly have developed feelings for someone when we didn’t have them the first time we met them – or even for months or years afterwards. So the ‘connection’ is not something that I personally look for. I just see if I want to spend more time with them and want to get to know them better. If I do then for me that is a successful first date. However in this instance it wasn’t enough for the other party.

Look am I a little bit disappointed? Sure I am. She was beautiful and was nice and interesting. Certainly was someone I wanted to get to know better. Even before knowing about my interest in politics she told me she was going to stay up and watch the US Election results come in. I mean seriously this girl was clearly someone that was ticking my boxes as it were but these things aren’t just about ticking boxes. You can fall for someone who isn’t your type and someone who ticks all your boxes you don’t don’t like. As Bruce Hornsby wrote ‘That’s just the way it is…some things will never change.’

I won’t bad mouth her as I do genuinely think she is a top lass. She was honest and you can’t ask for too much more than that. It is sad that I was a disappointment to her – such a bad one that she didn’t even want to see me a second time but what can you do? As I wrote last night – ‘I actually had a date tonight boys and girls. The first of 2012. Go me! However she doesn’t want to see me again. I’ve still got it…’ (not sure why that had so many likes – for the fact I had an actual date or because I once more proved that I was a loser in love?)

The ‘I’ve still got it’ refers to my awesome ability to have a date and then for a second date never to materialise as they didn’t like me. If we take out the instance of late last year (which is probably fair to do because on reflection that girl was clearly still on the rebound going through her divorce and just wanted a nice guy to make her feel better about the male species – something which I think I did rather well and then she realised that she wanted (and deserved) not just a nice guy but someone that made her heart flutter and she didn’t think I would do that). So yeah if we take her out of this debate it has been a grand total of six and a half years since I successfully translated a first date into a second date.

So yeah the ‘I’ve still got it’ refers to the ability for people to not want to see me again after a first date. I think this is quite an awesome ability. The most egregious thing though is I have ‘interesting’ and ‘really nice’ and yet still am not good enough for a second date then what hope do I have? They (along with being mildly amusing at times) is all that I have! If that isn’t good enough then there probably isn’t much hope for me.

Anyway I shall not dwell. It made for an excellent blog post (and I do love anything that allows me to write about my dating woes) and I had a date with a very attractive young lady. It wasn’t a successful date but still…will I make it four years in a row with a date in 2013? Who knows – four years in a row would equal my record (2003-2006) but I think (positively) that I will. Yeah positivity! Will I have my first second date (bar the above mentioned girl) since 2006? I’m going to say no but world – I am waiting for you to prove me wrong.

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Written by neilmonnery

November 8th, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Posted in Dating

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