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Day: July 3, 2012

Non essential highway maintenance at gone midnight? Are you freaking serious? (with video)

I’m trying to sleep however the highway maintenance department have decided that sleep isn’t for the people living in my apartment block. They have decided that non-essential highway maintenance is what they need to be doing at gone midnight. I have videoed about 20 seconds of it out on my balcony and as you can hear it isn’t exactly soothing background music…

If it was essential work for a burst pipe or whatever then you can deal with it. These things happen. However they were busy out there last night as well and they weren’t around during the day so it is pretty clear that isn’t essential work.

I just wanted to blog my frustration at how ridiculous it is. I’m guessing Southend Council know all about it and think that it is better to disturb the people after midnight instead of shutting down a small road for a couple in the day.

Not amused.

I know it’s not all that important in the grand scheme of things but still. I like sleep and if my neighbours get pissy with a few people drinking at 11PM then I wonder what they’ll think about this and way gone midnight on now two successive nights…

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Ed Miliband to call for an inquiry into David Beckham’s omission from the Olympic football squad

The Rambles of Neil Monnery have been contacted by a source that wants to remain anonymous with a leaked copy of a speech that Ed Miliband will give later in the weeK:

Thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind. Can I give an encore…just joshing ladies and gentleman. I know you aren’t here to listen to me rap. You are here to listen to me ask the government to open a governmental inquiry into why David Beckham has been left out of the squad for the football at the Olympics games here in London, which are proudly brought to you by and of course the Labour Party who were in charge when we beat those garlic loving French twits to win the rights to host the games. The Tories did nothing…

Anyway David Beckham – or Sir David Beckham as I’d have him known if I had the power because he’s so amazing and awesome and deep down we all wish we were him – but yes David Beckham has given his life and soul for the people of the UK only to be discarded by a man who has decided that the whiny Welsh tit Craig Bellamy is more worthy of representing our great nation than David Beckham. Does anyone remember his goal against Greece at Old Trafford? What did Craig Bellamy do in that game? Naff all that’s what. Some may say that he did nothing because he is Welsh but I say he dd nothing because he’s nothing compared to Lord Becks.

Also Ryan Giggs was picked and all he’s ever done for the UK was spend a lot of money on condoms. Is this the face we want to show to the world? A man who would screw his brothers wife for years because he deemed himself worthy? I do not think so. Lord Sir David has never cheated on his wife and even though there have been rumours who are we going to believe? A great Englishman or some unknown bint? Yeah exactly. Lastly a player who wasn’t even deemed better than Martin Kelly is better than Lord Sir David? Oh pur-lease.

Stuart Pearce has done nothing. Has David Beckham ever missed a penalty in a penalty shoot-out? No he hasn’t. Well he has but Uri Geller moved the ball so we can’t count that and it was only a quarter-final. Pearce did it is a semi-final and that was at a World Cup. Also he made money out of being rubbish by getting involved in a Pizza Hut commercial campaign. Did Becks resort to such low level? Did he heck.

I think it is clear that the government are at fault and a full inquiry would reveal the truth behind the cover-up. Some say that the cover-up is about aliens and that we have been visited for many years by little green men but that is just a smokescreen. The real conspiracy is about Stuart Pearce being the puppet of the PM and his coalition government as they try to keep public spirits down so they can carry on rinsing the Great British public of their soul and any optimism for economic recovery. A Beckham led victory in the football tournament at the Olympics would have brought back the feel-god factor that would stop the coalition government spending all of their time and energy slagging off the Labour Party.

It is not as though Ed Balls was the City Minister during the LIBOR scandal. That is just more lies from the coalition. If the government don’t open a full inquiry into this event then all they are doing is showing the great people of this country that they have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide David Cameron then I ask you this, why not have a public inquiry into this disgraceful behaviour of a true British hero?

The Labour Party treats its national heroes with the dignity that they deserve. The coalition government just wash their hands of it and pretend that it isn’t the right time or place to interfere with a football manager. Well I say this, if this isn’t the right time or place then when is the right time and place? A Labour cabinet would never have allowed this travesty to have come about and if we see no public inquiry then we all know what to do come 2015.

Labour – the party of the heroes. The Tories and evil Lib Dems – the party of the gobby, the shaggers and the isn’t as good as Martin Kelly’s.

*wait for applause – make sure you have the portraits of your family in shot as well as a photo of you and David Beckham and refuse to take any questions because you are so annoyed*

Shocking I know, first a press ethics inquiry, then a banking one but a David Beckham one? Well the way the tabloids are acting then it would go down quite well…

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Another bash of the Daily Mail. This time they talk about ‘flashy foreigners’ and ‘vulgarity’

Ah the Daily Mail. Source for some of my most sarcastic blogs. It is time for you to once more inspire my fingers to tip-tap on to my keyboard and write about how amazingly hilarious you are. Today though it is about a travel piece. The piece entitled My night in Hotel Vulgari: Daily Mail travel editor Mark Palmer gives his verdict on Britain’s most expensive hotel Bulgari caught my eye because of the introduction under the piece…

Benvenuti to the brand new Bulgari Hotel in London’s Knightsbridge, the most expensive place to stay in Britain – where the cheapest room comes in at around £850. The fact that the Bulgari is practically full every night (including the £14,400 penthouse suite) tells you everything you need to know about those pockets of modern Britain that have been turned into temples of vulgarity, attended by flashy foreigners who pay no taxes here but inflate the price of everything for the rest of us.

The words that got me were, ‘attended by flashy foreigners who pay no taxes here but inflate the price of everything for the rest of us.’ Ah yes those bloody foreigners. Always coming over here and spending their money in our vulgar hotels and not paying tax here. Well they do pay tax – VAT on everything they buy and think of all the people their vulgar money is used on employing people who do pay tax and how dare they come to the UK at all. Bloody foreigners. If we had complete closed borders then we could live in a blissful world where no-one is spending vulgar money.

The last country to close their borders and look totally inwardly was China I do believe and look what happened there. By ignoring the outside world they went from the most advanced civilization on the planet to being 100s of years behind. Yeah that didn’t exactly work out well did it? However I’m no history buff so I won’t go on about that – or the premise that all foreigners are evil – because that is so dumb its funny. The Daily Mail don’t like foreigners ok we get that. So lets look at the piece as a whole.

It reads basically as about 1,500 words which only says, ‘I am not jealous that I’m not as rich as those people. They are all foreigners and look like they hate life.’ That is basically it. He didn’t go into the review with an open mind. His narrative had already been written, which is pretty shoddy journalism in the extreme. He made a big stink about how much it cost but he knew how much it cost and heck he was on expenses anyway so that was a lot of horse expletive.

He ends though with this gem:

The manager hopes my wife and I will return soon. For our part, however, we hope the Bulgari packs up and takes most of its customers with it.

They hope the hotel packs up and people lose jobs. He doesn’t care about British people. He would clearly prefer more people on the dole than being employed by a foreign company. It is that kind of stupid messed-up thinking that is making people think we’d be better off out of the EU…

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