…but not in the way you might think.
I am too tight, too sensible, too rational. Call it what you like but they are all the same. I am too cautious and I always worry about the supposed rainy day. I am not a risk taker in any form. I think about things to their nth degree and often by the time I have formulated a plan of action the time has passed and I don’t have a choice in how to proceed – it has been made for me. In the autumn of 2008 I was offered a job with a pretty huge pay rise and I was pretty miserable in my job but I still took the best part of four months to make the move.
Why am I blogging about this now?
Well I had agreed to go to Leeds and meet up with a few people from twitter that I had not met. Was looking forward to it as I converse with these people a lot via twitter. However when I sat down and looked into the cost fully I worked out that it would be the best part of £200 for a night out and the tight/sensible/rational part of my brain took over and said that I couldn’t justify it. Relatively quickly it won over and the part of my brain that wants to do things and have fun was shot down in flames.
Now I’m not rich but I can afford it. The money is there but can I justify it and that is what my brain is screaming at me. I have to justify practically every major expenditure that I make. Some may say that this is prudent but some may think that it is very sad and makes me sound like a bit of a loser (it does I know) but still. For example I’ve wanted the complete Stargate SG-1 boxset for around 3-4 years but have I got around to buying it yet? No I haven’t.
Money is only money. That I know but I also know that without it I wouldn’t have my freedom. Another good example is I have wanted a second Penn State hoodie for over a year but wasn’t willing to spend £40 on it because I didn’t think it was worth that. I have managed to source one today for just £25 and that I think it fair value so I have bought it. You might think that £15 is nothing but for me it’s not about the money it is about value.
One of the people I had intended to meet asked me if I would regret not doing things to save a few pounds. It is a great question and she may well be right and a huge part of my brain wants to say sod it but that rational part of my brain just wins out every single time.
Sometimes whilst I won’t say I hate how I am, I do dislike it. I wish I was more care free with regards to everything not just money but I’m not. Look I live alone and work from home and can go days without seeing people. Sometimes I think I’m just becoming socially stagnant and am becoming more and more reclusive. It seems strange to say that considering I do radio and football commentary but being sociable is just something I struggle with and more so as the years go on.
Having said all that I’m very comfortable with who I am and how I live my life. I just sometimes wonder what I’d be like if I was different. I suppose we all do from time to time.
I have no idea as to the point of this but hey – it’s something different compared to my usual fare for this blog.
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